Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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