with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I want to walk on stilts...naked
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
