Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
