I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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