dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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