dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
