I feel great
I just peed on a car
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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