my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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