the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
