NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
