I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
