Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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