His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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