Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
