I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
My vagina is officially offended.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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