I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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