I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
