fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
