Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
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Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
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