the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
