i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
