She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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