he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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