so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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