Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
