just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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