If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
