i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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