there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
This is my gift to your gina
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
