don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
