Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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