Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
