Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
