my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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