we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
