I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
not ubering you a puppy
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
