new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
The police scanner is talking about you again....
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
