You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
