You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
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Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
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I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize