apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
