god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Randomize