guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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