oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
