I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
