i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
