Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
