Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Randomize
