I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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