You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
