Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
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Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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