that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
