Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
there is glitter all over my balls
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