Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
