just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
