Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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