operation harelip BJ is a go
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize