Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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