Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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