I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
