There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
there is glitter all over my balls
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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