my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
