Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
