I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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