if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
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i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
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got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
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